Playing, Collecting, and Enjoying it!

I have found many things in my life unacceptable. Many things of the present and past. This, to say the least, is the curse that it is to be me, considering I bow to no one, not even myself. I have been through tantrums, because I don't get my way, I have been good, I've been bad, and fair in between, and although it seems to help everyone else around me, it never helps me.I am filled with all these "gifts" that are magic, and part of my life. I am them, and they are me. It is in me, I cannot avoid, or run from it, or pretend it is not there. So, what to do?Accept, and push forward. If future does not shape to your liking, then you roll up your sleeves and bend it to suit you. I have figured out that I can only have LOVE or MONEY, one at a time, never BOTH. This is a hard realization, and as one person said to me in a post "Maybe you're afraid to be LOVED" The answer after much though... YES.Love is a sort of temporary isanity. Love clouds the judgement, it takes a piece of your heart and spirit, an that, I'm afraid, although I have experienced... I'd like to avoid at this point in my life. No to be taken lightly, it is a subject of much debate. It is not that I have the inability to love, or care, (I do LOVE money!) I am not cruel, or cold, but instead I choose to fosake love, in the realm of my life, for the time being, until I am convinced otherwise, that this will not affect my life in amjor way.I must maintain my focus, and keep my balance in between. What is love anyways? I seem to enjoy everything else just fine, in fact I am a workaholic, but I work hard, and play hard too!I just got over a hell of a "weekend" starting since Thursday, where I preyed, and coveted, and then came in for the kill. I "re-charged" and took, I have them kneel at my feet, as always I take what I want, when I want, with no appologies.I am convinced, that among the many facets that is me, I am a being, to which people cannot help but gravitate to. There is something abou tme that people want. Most people either love me, or hate me, there is no inbetween. However, being a good negotiator, I can even breakdown those bad barriers too. I seem to be told, I am a good teacher, and in fact been invited to give several seminars...Oh no! I feel subliminal programming coming on.In any event, I'm just venting, placing the thought in my mind on the screen. I have no cure, only band-aids to place on the chaos that it is to be me. This incarnation was chosen rather carefully, considering anyone else would have gone insane, in fact, I think my mother did already.Krystaline